Jacob Tobia

Jacob Tobia https://jacobtobia.com Jacob Tobia Wed, 26 Mar 2025 17:00:21 +0000 https://jacobtobia.com en Before They Were Men http://jacobtobia.com/Before-They-Were-Men Wed, 26 Mar 2025 17:00:21 +0000 Jacob Tobia 456356 HOME + BIO BEFORE THEY WERE MEN SISSY + BOOKING + CONTACT BEFORE THEY WERE MEN:ESSAYS ON MANHOOD, COMPASSION, AND WHAT WENT WRONG CLICK HERE TO BUY <img width="825" height="1238" width_o="825" height_o="1238" src_o="https://cortex.persona.co/t/original/i/065d822463a08ffeb1e69a36f4dba04814417cb039ceeb9fbd9cae0573b9072f/Before-They-Were-Men-Cover-Medium.jpg" data-mid="1401722" border="0" data-scale="88"/> Gender nonconforming thought leader and bestselling author Jacob Tobia offers a paradigm-shifting argument for fundamentally reframing how we think about men.The conversation about masculinity, patriarchy, and misogyny has never been so prominent or heated. Alarmed by a new generation of angry, broken young men, genderqueer writer Jacob Tobia sets out to explore what’s going on and comes to a shocking conclusion: Emotionally and spiritually speaking, men and boys may be the ones suffering the most under the gender binary right now.Tobia should know. For their gender-defying adolescent heart, the nonconsensual process of being “made a man” was crushing. After spending a lifetime fleeing manhood and masculinity, they dare to ask the question: What happens if we stop understanding men as categorical beneficiaries of patriarchal institutions and start understanding them for what they are—co-survivors of patriarchy itself?In a series of personal and revolutionary essays, Before They Were Men argues that we must rewire much of our framework of feminism. Through this much-needed nonbinary intervention into a two-sided discourse gone stale, Tobia boldly posits compassion and empathy as the forces that will lead men—and us all—to a brighter future. Urgent, surprising, and counterintuitive, their book covers topics such as• the unspoken body image issues and dysmorphia confronting men and boys• the difficulty of challenging a world that glorifies war, aggression, and the violence of men• the case for rethinking, and ultimately retiring, counterproductive terms like “toxic masculinity” and “male privilege”From exploring the abuse endured by men in the name of gender norms to addressing the myriad failures of feminist discourse in grappling with men’s suffering, this book calls everyone—men, women, and nonbinary people alike—back to the table. BUY TODAY   HOME + BIO BEFORE THEY WERE MEN SISSY + BOOKING + CONTACT BEFORE THEY WERE MEN:ESSAYS ON MANHOOD, COMPASSION, AND WHAT WENT WRONG CLICK HERE TO BUY Gender... Home http://jacobtobia.com/Home Wed, 26 Mar 2025 16:52:47 +0000 Jacob Tobia 456355 HOME + BIO BEFORE THEY WERE MEN SISSY + BOOKING + CONTACT<img width="825" height="1238" width_o="825" height_o="1238" src_o="https://cortex.persona.co/t/original/i/6c2562d55914e0840d180d4af7da2c23ea6be3cbd5096ce6a42e6de3604618a3/Before-They-Were-Men-Cover-Medium.jpg" data-mid="1401718" border="0" data-scale="48"/>CLICK HERE TO BUY HOME + BIO BEFORE THEY WERE MEN SISSY + BOOKING + CONTACTCLICK HERE TO BUY OLD Events http://jacobtobia.com/OLD-Events Tue, 15 Jan 2019 03:34:32 +0000 Jacob Tobia 306815 HOME + BIO + BEFORE THEY WERE MEN SISSY + BOOKING + CONTACT   STAY TUNED (future speaking / book events tbd)To book Jacob for an event, please contact: hshear@penguinrandomhouse.com     HOME + BIO + BEFORE THEY WERE MEN SISSY + BOOKING + CONTACT   STAY TUNED (future speaking / book events tbd)To book Jacob for an event,... Sissy http://jacobtobia.com/Sissy Sat, 05 Jan 2019 21:16:30 +0000 Jacob Tobia 305373 HOME + BIO BEFORE THEY WERE MEN SISSY + BOOKING + CONTACT SISSY: <img width="2300" height="433" width_o="2300" height_o="433" src_o="https://cortex.persona.co/t/original/i/b88dacee0398e9379c3565f3fdd40e3a52c078c3db98af2db6e4024ca72c4a15/green-copy.jpg" data-mid="614380" border="0" /> A Coming-of-Gender Story <img width="2300" height="401" width_o="2300" height_o="401" src_o="https://cortex.persona.co/t/original/i/2c64c6ae22268ff63303060ae49412dd0d56951b6fce4659bf201ea32322d2aa/green-copy-2.jpg" data-mid="614379" border="0" /> ORDER TODAY<img width="2300" height="299" width_o="2300" height_o="299" src_o="https://cortex.persona.co/t/original/i/765ba88bf397c010d27a1c65945ee3a8f91578bb7b01bb774116a3eb6adea676/green-copy-3.jpg" data-mid="614381" border="0" /> #SissyTheBook Jacob’s debut book: a heart-wrenching, eye-opening, and giggle-inducing memoir about what it's like to grow up not sure if you're (a) a boy, (b) a girl, (c) something in between, or (d) all of the above. Buy Sissy at your local independent bookstore or via: Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Powell’s, BAM, IndieBound, Apple Books, Google, or Kobo From the moment a doctor in Raleigh, North Carolina, put "male" on Jacob Tobia's birth certificate, everything went wrong. Alongside "male" came many other, far less neutral words: words that carried expectations about who Jacob was and who Jacob should be, words like "masculine" and "aggressive" and "cargo shorts" and "SPORTS!" Naturally sensitive, playful, creative, and glitter-obsessed, as a child Jacob was given the label "sissy." In the two decades that followed, "sissy" joined forces with "gay," "trans," "nonbinary," and "too-queer-to-function" to become a source of pride and, today, a rallying cry for a much-needed gender revolution. Through revisiting their childhood and calling out the stereotypes that each of us have faced, Jacob invites us to rethink what we know about gender and offers a bold blueprint for a healed world--one free from gender-based trauma and bursting with trans-inclusive feminism.From Jacob's Methodist childhood and the hallowed halls of Duke University to the portrait-laden parlors of the White House, Sissytakes you on a gender odyssey you won't soon forget. Writing with the fierce honesty, wildly irreverent humor, and wrenching vulnerability that have made them a media sensation, Jacob shatters the long-held notion that people are easily sortable into "men" and "women." Sissy guarantees that you'll never think about gender--both other people's people's and your own--the same way again. Praise for Sissy:"We need shinier, sparklier thinkers in the public eye. With a signature style matched only by their wit, Jacob fits that bill perfectly." —Alan Cumming“Refreshing, courageous, and important [with a] feisty candor and wit. . . A funny, sharply observed, and intelligent journey into self-identity.” —Kirkus Reviews“Sensational. Gut-punchingly hilarious and full of heart, this is a book that’s sure to change your outlook and how you relate to others. Sissy is guaranteed to make your mascara run from happy and sad tears alike.” —Tyler Oakley"Genderqueer and nonbinary voices are too often silenced in mainstream conversations about gender. It's why we need writers like Jacob Tobia, who offer us more inclusive visions and provide readers living beyond the binary reflections of themselves." —Janet Mock"Jacob Tobia’s story is one sent from the Goddess Herself. Truly inspiring, hilarious, heartbreaking & honest — Jacob’s thrilling truth will have an overwhelming impact on the LGBTQ community and beyond; giving insight to what it means to be trans and genderqueer. I am honored and grateful to be part of any community that Jacob is in." —Jesse Tyler Ferguson“As someone who has served as an icon and role model for gender-fabulous people for decades, it’s been wonderful to watch Jacob blossom. Their energy, verve, and luminosity of self bring joy to so many, and I’m confident that Sissy will do the same.” —Miss J Alexander"Dear men, please read this book. Whether you’re sensitive, bold, gay, straight, pan, bi, creative, analytical, or don’t even know who the hell you are, this book is a blueprint for healing our gender-based trauma from the inside out. It’s brilliant and important and I couldn’t put it down.” —Jay Duplass"Jacob is a unique and inspirational voice for living your truth. I love their personality and message, and I can't help but creep on their Instagram ;)" —Gigi Gorgeous"Sissy aims its glitter cannon at all binaries, delivering, even in its final pages, a surprising amount of empathy to those who have not always been Jacob’s allies. This is required reading for every human being on the planet who wants to do better and be better. Buy the book and learn something about yourself, then send it to your problematic relatives." —Garrard Conley"In a world full of digital noise, Jacob's words cut right to the heart. A Mindy Kaling meets Roxane Gay treasure, Sissy proclaims what we all know to be true: gender nonconforming people are a powerful part of the past, present, and future." —Tommy Dorfman"Gender nonconforming people like Jacob aren’t just a passing phase or a cool fad, they’re a fundamental part of our human family. Through embracing and empowering nonbinary people, we empower everyone to live a more authentic, glittering life. As a writer and an artist, I'm thrilled about what Jacob has to say.” —Dustin Lance Black “Sissy explores the power of determination, identity, and acceptance of self and others. I recommend the read.” —Cooper Hefner"Most of the time in this world it feels like I’m drowning — we all walk around playing pretend, telling ourselves stories so that we don’t have to confront the things that lurk beneath the surface. And it’s not so much that Jacob’s work has ‘rescued’ me from drowning — rather it’s taught me that maybe there is something generative about remaining here — underneath — in the places and spaces and conversations that people avoid. It’s this commitment to honesty — in its most visceral sense — that makes Jacob so exceptional and precious." —Alok Vaid-Menon“This is a book that every parent should read. We owe it to the next generation to raise children who celebrate gender diversity and are empathetic towards themselves and others; Sissyencourages just that. I couldn’t be more proud of what Jacob has written.” —Judy Shepard“In a world that often pressures us to conform in order to be accepted, it is refreshing to hear Jacob Tobia's perspective. Jacob's style, charisma, humor, wit and truth telling are authentic to Jacob and I wouldn't be surprised if this book becomes a much talked about example of one way to own ones truth no matter what others may think. The world needs Jacob's voice, offering us all permission to be our truest selves.” —Sara Ramirez“Filled with penetrating insight into what it means to live a life between genders that will also make even the straightest, cissiest reader cackle.” —Meredith Talusan“As someone who came out as gay while playing in the NBA, I can say firsthand that being yourself against all odds takes guts. Through standing up for gender nonconforming people and living their truth for all to see, Jacob is blazing a similar trail. This book is yet another step on Jacob’s courageous road.” —Jason Collins“For any young person who’s currently struggling with their gender, Sissy will be a source of strength, power, and much-needed laughs. From start to finish, Sissy is the kind of book that the world needs more of.” —Jazz Jennings   HOME + BIO BEFORE THEY WERE MEN SISSY + BOOKING + CONTACT SISSY: A Coming-of-Gender Story ORDER TODAY #SissyTheBook Jacob’s debut book: a heart-wrenching,... OLD Home http://jacobtobia.com/OLD-Home Wed, 28 Jun 2017 04:49:29 +0000 Jacob Tobia 188275 home + bio + sissy: the book + events booking + writing + features + contactJACOB TOBIABESTSELLING AUTHOR OF  Sissy: A Coming-of-Gender Story Order today at your local independent bookstore, or via: Barnes & Noble Powell’s BAM IndieBound Apple Books GoogleAmazon <img width="1694" height="2560" width_o="1694" height_o="2560" src_o="https://cortex.persona.co/t/original/i/ed05913733fd882a0255c90e2f04db149f339eb9144442630a74b49965ed67a0/IMG_6120.JPG" data-mid="614244" border="0" data-scale="83"/>    home + bio + sissy: the book + events booking + writing + features + contactJACOB TOBIABESTSELLING AUTHOR OF  Sissy: A Coming-of-Gender Story Order today at... Contact http://jacobtobia.com/Contact Wed, 28 Jun 2017 04:41:57 +0000 Jacob Tobia 188274 HOME + BIO BEFORE THEY WERE MEN SISSY + BOOKING + CONTACT CONTACT Acting + Theatre vchampeau@paradigmagency.com Film, Television Writing + Producing eneale@paradigmagency.com Public Speaking + Appearanceshshear@penguinrandomhouse.com   Brand Partnerships htenenbaum@paradigmagency.com   HOME + BIO BEFORE THEY WERE MEN SISSY + BOOKING + CONTACT CONTACT Acting + Theatre vchampeau@paradigmagency.com Film, Television Writing + Producing... Booking http://jacobtobia.com/Booking Wed, 28 Jun 2017 04:41:46 +0000 Jacob Tobia 188273 HOME + BIO BEFORE THEY WERE MEN SISSY + BOOKING + CONTACT BOOKINGTV & FilmAs a producer, actor, and creator, Jacob has worked on projects with Showtime, Netflix, Hulu, MTV, Amazon Studios, Legendary Entertainment, Entertainment One, and NBC News among others. To book Jacob for film or TV: vchampeau@paradigmagency.com *** Conference, Corporate, University & Other Public SpeakingFrom speaking at Harvard and Princeton to keynoting the Queer Women in Business Summit, Jacob is certain to entertain, enlighten, and embolden every audience they address. As a seasoned public speaker, Jacob regularly offers the following presentations for university, conference, and corporate audiences across the country To book Jacob for an appearance at your conference, company, organization, or school, email: hshear@penguinrandomhouse.com *** Branded & Content Partnerships As a digital influencer and cultural maven, Jacob regularly works with the world’s top brands to create content that will resonate with their audience. Examples of Jacob’s branded/content partnerships include: InstagramGoogleMarriott InternationalAT&TSpotifyTo book Jacob for a partnership:  htenenbaum@paradigmagency.com   HOME + BIO BEFORE THEY WERE MEN SISSY + BOOKING + CONTACT BOOKINGTV & FilmAs a producer, actor, and creator, Jacob has worked on projects with... OLD Features http://jacobtobia.com/OLD-Features Wed, 28 Jun 2017 04:41:37 +0000 Jacob Tobia 188272 home + bio + sissy: the book + events booking + writing + features + contact FEATURES The Daily Show Promoting a “Gender-Chill” Exploration of Identity with “Sissy” Variety Showtime to Develop Series Based on Jacob Tobia Memoir ‘Sissy’ Deadline Jacob Tobia Joins ‘She-Ra And The Princesses Of Power’ As Non-Binary Character New York Times Two L.G.B.T.Q. Memoirs Sow the Seeds of Progress The Market Embraces Fluidity’s Allure Transgender Today: Jacob Tobia The Washington PostIn Lipstick and Five O’clock Shadow, this Activist is Reshaping How We Define GenderPronouns: When They Don’t Identify as Male or Female Gender-Neutral ‘They’ Added to the AP Stylebook Los Angeles Review of BooksBreaking Down the Binary with Jacob Tobia Harper’s BazaarThe 20 Best LGBTQ Books of 2019 KTLAAuthor Jacob Tobia on Their New Book 'Sissy: A Coming-of-Gender Story' Entertainment WeeklyShe-Ra Welcomes its First Non-Binary Character Jacob Tobia Announces Memoir ‘Sissy’ Salon"Sissy" Author Jacob Tobia Says We All Have "a Coming-of-Gender Story" Daily MailShe-Ra and the Princesses of Power Introduces Non-Binary Character Double Trouble Voiced by Non-Binary Star Jacob Tobia CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Company)Q&A: Author Jacob Tobia says the Pope's position on LGBTQ people is wrong PAPER Jacob Tobia: 'Gender Is Simple for Nobody' them. Why Jacob Tobia’s Coming-of-Gender Memoir Sissy Is on Our Must-Read List POSTURE Jacob Tobia Discusses Their Memoir, Queer Media, and Visibility Forbes30 Under 30 Media 2018: Meet The Young People Driving And Defining ContentJacob Tobia Named in 2018 30 Under 30: Media Teen Vogue Jacob Tobia Stars in Campaign for Gender-Neutral Makeup Brand Fluide Beauty People Read Kind Instagram Comments for International Transgender Day of Visibility CosmopolitanGender-Nonconforming Activist Jacob Tobia Lands Gorgeous New Beauty Campaign Jacob Tobia Opens Up About What It Really Means to be Genderqueer Allure Genderqueer Star Jacob Tobia Explains What Being Gender-Nonconforming Really Means The Advocate Jacob Tobia: 'Masculinity Is a Cycle of Abuse' OUT Jacob Tobia Will Play Nonbinary Shapeshifter on Netflix's 'She-Ra' Jacob Tobia Staged a Historic, All-Trans Reading of I Am My Own Wife Jacob Tobia is the Face of Fluide’s Spring Lip Campaign #KindComments Creator Jacob Tobia Celebrates Trans Visibility EXCLUSIVE: MTV’s True Life: I’m Genderqueer OUT100 2016: Jacob Tobia, Writer, Performer NYLON What 9 People See When They Look In The Mirror What Halloween Means For Trans And Gender-Nonconforming People Fashion Knows No Gender—Here’s Why 14 LGBTQIA Advocates Changing The World Refinery29 This Is What Being Genderqueer Really Looks Like Mic How Gender Nonconforming and Nonbinary Individuals are Changing the Beauty Industry Forever BBC Vogue Sorry for Gigi Hadid and Zayn Malik 'Gender Fluid' Claim TIME Magazine Beyond He or She: The Changing Meaning of Gender BuzzFeed + As/Is Gender Nonconforming Activist Jacob Tobia Is Now The Face Of A Major Beauty Campaign Trans People Share Love for Trans Day of Visibility 19 Beauty Experts: How Makeup Has Shaped Their Self-Image 16 Trans People Got Makeovers to Honor Their Idols Seriously.TV Gender Myths: Shutting Down Bullshit with Jacob Tobia The Cut/New York Magazine 25 LGBTQ Leaders on Donald Trump’s Win A Genderqueer Activist on Transgender Bathroom Bills Busting Gender Stereotypes on MTVDailyMail The New Normal: Genderqueer Activist Stars in a Striking Cosmetics Campaign @Instagram Account Celebrating Resilience with Jacob Tobia Yahoo News Red Carpet Appearance Makes Gender-Nonbinary Actress Question Body Hair Standards NPR Barbershop: Taking Stock Of Orlando With Members Of The LGBTQ Community Harvard Political Review Jacob Tobia and the Next Frontier in LGBT Advocacy MTV 11 Times Gender Norms Got The Middle Finger in 2015 The T Word: Jacob Tobia Sits Down with Laverne Cox We Broke All The Gender Rules For Prom This Is Our Prom: A Prom To De-Gender MSNBC Jacob Tobia to Run Brooklyn Bridge in Stiletto’s Nicopanda In the Realm of They: An Interview with Jacob Tobia Huck Magazine Jacob Tobia knows that Mx is More Powerful than Mr The Fullest Redefining Gender with Jacob Tobia    home + bio + sissy: the book + events booking + writing + features + contact FEATURES The Daily Show Promoting a “Gender-Chill” Exploration of Identity... OLD Writing http://jacobtobia.com/OLD-Writing Wed, 28 Jun 2017 04:41:32 +0000 Jacob Tobia 188271 home + bio + sissy: the book + events booking + writing + features + contact WRITING The New York TimesExcavating My Childhood Photos -- And Myself Does Gay Hollywood Have Room for Queer Kids? Transgender Today: Jacob Tobia BuzzFeed + As/Is Banning The Binary Makes Dating Better For Everyone A Letter To Parents Whose Children Stare At Me In Public I Have Long Nails: I’m Proud Of What They Mean Telling Trans Stories Beyond 'Born in the Wrong Body' Them. The Harsh Realities of Dating for Gender-Nonconforming Femmes How Beauty Brands Can Help Shape Queer and Trans Acceptance How Our Queer Elders Paved the Way for Adam Rippon The Women's Movement Doesn't Always Include Me — But It Should Sissy Diaries: Hair Woes BroadlyA Letter to Teenage Boys, From Someone Who Used to Be One PAPER Magazine Perpetual Transition: One Person's Journey From Man to Woman and Back Again PlayboyGo Ahead, Objectify Me: Trans Writer Jacob Tobia Explores Wanting to Be Desired Cosmopolitan I’m Gender-Fluid. Vogue, Got a Minute to Talk About This New Cover? TIME Why All Bathrooms Should Be Gender-Neutral  Why Transgender People Suffer from ‘ID Anxiety' The GuardianI Am Neither Mr, Mrs nor Ms but Mx NBC News Queer 2.0 What Does ‘Cisgender' Mean Anyway? Let’s Talk About Sex...and Gender A Beginner’s Guide to Gender-Neutral Restrooms Check Your 'Hooha' And 'Disco Stick' At The Door How To Buy Gender-Affirming Holiday Gifts The Importance Of ‘Chosen Family’ In The LGBTQ Community Gender-Bending Halloween Dos & Don'ts How The Story Of Rudolph Reflects LGBTQ Issues MTV News Stop Asking Me When I’m ‘Really’ Going To Transition How To Talk To Your Parents About Being Genderqueer The Orlando Shooting Was An Act Of Hate Women’s Health A Letter to NC Lawmakers from a Trans North Carolinian New America WeeklyAn Affront Against All Women Hooligan Magazine Trans Fashion is Not (Necessarily) Trans Empowerment Huffington Post Why I’m Genderqueer, Professional, and Unafraid The Power of Trans Vulnerability Five Dos and Five Don'ts for College Seniors Mic.com  LGBTQIA: A Guide to the Alphabet Soup Of Queer Identity    home + bio + sissy: the book + events booking + writing + features + contact WRITING The New York TimesExcavating My Childhood Photos -- And Myself Does Gay... Bio http://jacobtobia.com/Bio Wed, 28 Jun 2017 04:41:24 +0000 Jacob Tobia 188270 HOME + BIO BEFORE THEY WERE MEN SISSY + BOOKING + CONTACT <img width="3456" height="5184" width_o="3456" height_o="5184" src_o="https://cortex.persona.co/t/original/i/00adb066252b77b1fa534a45d87378330dd4b428d60ac54cdace8821d4f1e47f/IMG_5902.jpeg" data-mid="1401721" border="0" data-scale="34"/> Jacob Tobia (what/ever) is a writer, producer, actor, and respectable  lady who doesn’t yell at cops and believes that capitalism is super. Their debut memoir Sissy: A Coming-of-Gender Story was a national bestseller, a testament to both their striking prose and ability to convince people to purchase things. After paying a publicist $20,000, they even got to go on The Daily Show with Trevor Noah, which was great because nothing is cooler than talking about your book with the sexiest man on the planet. A noted Hollywood screenwriter, Jacob has sold multiple trailblazing TV projects – all led by trans/nonbinary protagonists – to Hulu, Showtime and HBO Max, none of which were made and all of which died in obscurity (again, led by trans/nonbinary protagonists). Their work has been featured in The New York Times, Teen Vogue, TIME, and too many other places to list without being annoying. A proud member of the Arab American community, they pass as white and can’t speak Arabic, so no one cares. On screen, Jacob made their acting debut playing a nonbinary shapeshifting mercenary (aka themself) on Netflix’s She-Ra and The Princesses of Power. They’ve also appeared in the Tribeca-stamped Valentine, a short film where they wear a really sexy little green negligee and completely pull it off. In addition to existing in the 2020s, Jacob also existed in the 2010s; during which time they ran across the Brooklyn Bridge in high heels to raise money for homeless queer youth, wore high heels in the White House twice, and lost a GLAAD Award™ to Caitlyn Jenner, a slight from which they have never recovered because Connie Britton presented the award. Jacob also interviewed President Bill Clinton back then, but the Clinton Foundation decided not to release the video, which is probably best for both Bill and Jacob. A Truman Scholar, Point Foundation Scholar, Coke Scholar and member of both the Forbes 30 Under 30 and the OUT 100, Jacob is good at sounding both smart and important, which is why you should pay them to come speak at your campus, conference, or corporation. For purposes of determining compensation, Jacob feels obligated to inform you that they regularly summer in Ibiza and are the recipient of a substantial trust fund from their grandmother, noted oil baronness Eleanor von Flutenberg-Flappenwick. Originally from Raleigh, Jacob now lives in Los Angeles in a sprawling mansion overlooking the Pacific Ocean. Their neighbor is a very famous singer who you might know.   HOME + BIO BEFORE THEY WERE MEN SISSY + BOOKING + CONTACT Jacob Tobia (what/ever) is a writer, producer, actor, and respectable  lady who doesn’t yell...